Of course you would never consciously reject love, especially if it was given to you the way you want it. Right?
As powerful women we tend to be self-reliant and not want to “need” someone, for fear of being “needy.” We are competent, capable women who don’t “need” a man. Yes, that’s true!
And, here’s the truth about men. A man needs to know that he is making a difference in your life. He needs to know that he can contribute to your life. If you won’t let him help, he will feel shut out and lose interest. Or if you only ask for help once you are frustrated then your request for help feels more like a demand and that is a complete turn off for him.
Here’s an important Secret to Being Loved – Open up to receiving! Let people do things for you.
Are you worried that you’ll owe them? Or that they’ll emotionally blackmail you if they do something for you? Or that they won’t do it right? That and other fears like it are stopping you from having the support and love you want.
Let me share how my client Judy handled these fears and her fierce independence.
When Judy first came to work with me she was lonely and tired of making all the decisions on her own. She was 42, divorced with two sons, 12 and 15 who were growing up without their dad. She felt like her son’s needed the influence of a good man, but she wasn’t dating and when she had, she kept attracting losers. She was a reasonably attractive woman who was articulate, confident and dressed well.
Judy was a super mom, a super friend and a super employee at work. She did everything for everyone. She was extremely independent, and was proud that she could provide a great home and life for herself and her boys.
She was terrible at receiving!
She wouldn’t let anyone give to her. She came to understand that people who like to give go away when you don’t let them give. And true to form, all of her “Giver” friends had stopped calling. Now she was left with her “Taker” friends. And their never-ending need for Judy’s support was like a second job.
Judy learned that a good man needs to feel needed and that he is contributing to a woman’s life or he won’t stick around. And worse, if he does stay, he will check out emotionally.
Becoming a Receiver
Learning to receive was difficult for Judy, but she did it. She started with little things like letting a stranger hold the door for her as she entered a building. She let the valet take her car instead of self-parking. Then she ventured into asking for help. This was a big leap, but one that proved to be enormously fulfilling once she gave up the idea that if someone helped her that she owed them.
I showed her that a healthy relationship isn’t a barter arrangement of “I’ll do this for you if you do that for me.” A healthy relationship is where two people love to give to each other freely. There is no scoreboard in a great relationship.
As she opened up to allow others to give to her, interesting men started asking her out and along with the other tools I taught her, she was able to attract a great guy. They have been married for 6 years now. Her boys have a great relationship with her new husband. They have learned how a good man treats a woman. Judy feels that her work with me not only gave her the relationship she always wanted, but it gave her sons an example to so they can create strong, healthy relationships for themselves.
How do you feel when you help a friend? Do you feel good about yourself? Do you feel happy that you were able to contribute to their well-being? Do you feel closer to them?
Give the Gift of Allowing Others to Help You
It may feel uncomfortable at first, but you will reap huge rewards with closer relationships, more love and the habit of allowing others to give to you. This habit will support you in having a man love you the way you want to be loved.